How to survive your police career

Professional Wrestling?

Professional Wrestling?

‘Terry’, as a patrol officer fast approaching fifty, knows that ‘jaw-jaw’ is more important than ’war-war’ when it comes to arresting people; if you can nick someone without rolling around on the pavement with them then that’s always a good idea.

One evening he spotted a ‘regular’ who he suspected was wanted on warrant. He stopped the male and carried out the usual checks, noting when taking his date of birth that they were the same age. PNC showed that a warrant was indeed outstanding for the male but the nominal argued that the matter had been sorted out – the inevitable stand-off occurred … Nominal began shaking his head angrily and his dreadlocked ponytail whished from side to side in frustration … Terry said the words of arrest and directed him to get in the back of the patrol car … Nominal refused because this was all ‘rubbish’ or some base Anglo-Saxon terms to this effect and he was going … and, indeed, he tried walking off … Terry grabbed him and, as in the words seen in generations of pocketbook entries ‘… a struggle ensued which resulted in us both falling to the ground …’.

Rolling around the pavement, Terry pondered on his father’s suggestion from all those years ago that being a hairdresser might do a safer option than joining the Old Bill. Restraining the man and cuffing him wasn’t too much of a problem – he was only his size after all – but it just seemed a bit silly two blokes in their late forties having a wrestle by the side of the road. Using some of those cunning moves learnt from a quarter century of such antics he shifted the nominal onto his tummy, repositioned himself so that he was straddling the man whilst sitting on his back, and then grabbed hold of the ponytail – being as it was so conveniently offering itself as a way of controlling the chap. Nominal continued to struggle, however, and Terry decided that taking the ponytail with both hands, one on top of the other, and ‘riding’ him rather in the manner of some cowboy riding an unbroken horse might actually be the best tactic – sure the man was bucking up and down at the moment but hopefully would become worn out before long.

And that, my dear readers, is the image recorded on the phones of those teenage girls who came across them if you ever want to find it on Youtube …


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