Okay, what youngster is at hand to show me how to do something probably quite simple on the computer were it not for the fact that I have the memory of a fish … and is this the same officer who showed me how to do exactly the same thing only two days ago?

Oh God, how many passwords does this job expect me to have but not write down?

Okay, what excuse can I employ this time to avoid that section barbeque on a long weekend?

“The Accelerated Promotion Scheme? … YOU? … ha-ha-ha-haaaaa … oh, you’re serious? … okay, right … well, emm …”

Who did the constant of the dirty protest man with drugs up his arse-hole last time?

Is accepting an invite to join this particular team WhatsApp group going to mean that I’m going to find myself reading stuff that … ohhhhhhhh … and more ohhhhhhhhh … and may involve me then having to do something about it?

Why did I write that cross on my hand …? And the little square …?

Okay, has anyone actually noticed that I’ve just jammed the printer? Can I style it out walking away …? STOP BEEPING!

Has the young-un over there just not bothered having a shave this morning, or is it actually that he is so young that he hasn’t started shaving yet …?

Who the hell crewed them two up together …?

Oh Christ, what are you doing inviting him to the team curry! Don’t you remember the grief over him going on about WPCs and Doris Dildos last time …?